The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
