good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
