For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
