Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
