I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
