just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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