The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
