Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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