nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
