So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
That accounts for only three of the penises
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
