I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
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