i will never coherently bang her
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
