he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She needs sedatives and a leash
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
