could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
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I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
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Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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