remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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