I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Mom said you looked used
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
