chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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