booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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