I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Randomize
