They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
All the doctor said was why
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Please don't give away my fajitas
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