God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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