woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
don't judge my taste in strippers
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
