Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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