how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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