I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
