We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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