I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
