just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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