would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
