guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
