Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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