This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
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I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
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I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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