And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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