I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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