Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
