Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
