I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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