So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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