hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
