I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
