I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
