He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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