im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
