i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
