Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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