does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
