Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
