I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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