Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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