what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
