Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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