You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
