He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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