I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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