He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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