I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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