the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
