At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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