I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
