So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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