I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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